Robinson Reunion 2010

My dad Jim Robinson, his sister Joyce Parks, and their brother Leslie (Buck) Robinson 2010

Letter to Heaven #2

My Dearest Janel,

I had thought with my last letter to you that I was starting to accept the fact that you are gone and in fact I think writing was therapeutic for me.  Maybe I have just gone too long before writing my second letter to you because it has been very difficult.  I find myself tearing up every day, even now.  I wish you could still talk or communicate with me some how, some way.

I've been feeling like I've let you down in some way, that if only I would have noticed your symptoms sooner, that maybe you would still be with us today.  Are my tears more for the guilt I feel than the actual loss?  I don't know... it just hurts not to have you here!  I've read where guilt is one of the hardest phases of coping with a death of a family member.  Guilt plays out in a way that most of us do not understand and yet we may not even realize that we suffer from the feelings of guilt.  We often hear people say, what if or, if I would have just..., these are all part of guilt and we must understand it before we can learn to cope with it.  http://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Manage-Guilt-When-Mourning-the-Death-of-a-Loved-One&id=541241

Then, I wonder what really would have been best for you, my Janel?  What's worse, dying from a heart attack or some other quick way, and not getting the chance to get your affairs in order or say goodbye, or being diagnosed with some terrible disease such as pancreatic cancer, as in your case, and having the opportunity (if that's what you want to call it) to say goodbye, even though you didn't really get to say goodbye because, I think, you thought you were coming home.  God, it was so hard to be by your side and know that you weren't, and to see mom and dad holding your hand and kissing you, knowing their beautiful daughter wasn't going to be with them anymore was truly unbearable.  We were mourning your fate before it really happened.

Janel, there was such a spiritual presence in your room that night with all your aunts, uncle's, cousins, and so on, as we held hands around you and prayed; I will never forget that moment.  We knew your end was very near.  We couldn't tell you that grim news.  We wanted you to keep fighting!  Was three days enough time???  Why can't we just accept death as a part of life???  Why do we have to hurt so much???  ................???  I WILL see you again one day my dear sister.

OK, let me dry my eyes and move on here.  On a lighter note, we had the Robinson Reunion this past weekend and the Piper Reunion will be next weekend.  Both of them are at the City Park this year.  What a beautiful park that is!  I just love those big sprawling oak trees, the large pond with all the ducks that roam throughout, those huge orange and black carp, the rock formations, and just how beautiful that park really is.  Unfortunately, the parking is not very good for the back pavilion, especially for the older generations.  And the concession stand is already closed!  Just because it's after Labor Day shouldn't mean they need to close up.  For heavens sake, it doesn't really get cold until November or later!  Remember when you and I took pictures of mom and dad for their 50th anniversary in 2008?  We thought we were professional photographers!  We did take some good pictures though.

Fantasy Football has started this week and I know how much you and I both grew to love it, not the game itself, but the competition between league members, and which players were scoring. Carl has made sports so much more interesting, hasn't he?  I now have a player I route for, Tim Tebow, with the Denver Broncos.  I know you would've loved him also.  Humility has always been a trait he has exhibited throughout his career.  For his final college game, he chose a Bible verse that showed why.  He wore Ephesians 2:8-10 on his eye black in the Sugar Bowl game.  You know, that streak of black paint the players put on just under their eyes to keep the sun from glaring in their eyes.  The verse reads:  “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves:  it is the gift of God:  Not of works, lest any man should boast.  For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.”  He's an amazing young man!

Autumn has unofficially come.  All of the leaves should be off one of our maple trees in the back yard by the end of September.  We just haven't had enough rain this summer.  I'm not sure we will even have much Fall color on the trees that do have leaves remaining.  We haven't mowed since June, only once two weeks ago to mulch up the leaves that had fallen.

Dad's working in the sun room, painting and refinishing.  It's odd when I go over there, not to see you out there helping him.  You were his "right hand man."  I know how much he must miss your help around the house.  You were everything...  I can wholeheartedly echo the words of Proverbs 23:24: “The father of the righteous shall greatly rejoice: and he that begetteth a wise child shall have joy of him.”

Oh, and I've added another song to My Playlist at the bottom of my blog.  It's #22 on the list, Last Cheater's Waltz by T. G. Sheppard... one of your favorites.  Mom had told me recently that you and her had slow danced to that song in the kitchen one day.  Every time I hear it now, I imagine you both dancing to that and giggling.

In writing this, I feel a calm.  I think you are with me now and see each letter as I type it.  I love you and pray you are by our Lord's side and continue to guide us.

My Earliest Memory

I find myself thinking of days gone by, back when I was a child, trying to jog my brain for every little detail of my childhood days.  I don't want to forget anything that I have remembered.

My earliest memories were of Mississippi.  I was born in Biloxi, moved to Gulfport, and we stayed there until I was four years old.  Dad was in the Air Force.  We  lived off base at three different locations, one of which was Beach Street, US 90, water front, on the Gulf.  I loved the beach (what child doesn't.)  Mom talks of this place much, of how nice it was, but I don't remember it.  It had a big southern porch with those two-story southern style pillars.

Then...
The year was 1962, the place of my earliest memory.

Elaine and I

Now...

This was where my home once stood in Gulfport, Mississippi, now replaced with one similiar to it.  It was two blocks from the beach, but after Hurricane Katrina in 2005, there wasn't much left of anything in the surrounding area.  Thank you Google Earth.

I do remember our third home, a smaller house of wood siding and a quaint front porch.  What I recall is walking in my backyard down to the little stream that went from one side of the yard to the other and a little frog jumped out of the creek and headed straight for the front yard.  I followed him curiously.  He headed towards the street where I was afraid he was going to get hit by a car that was approaching, when suddenly he disappeared.  I was upset that I couldn't find this little critter and here he had jumped down a manhole in the street, so my dad said.  That is my earliest memory.  I was three.

Greencastle Old Home Week

What a fantastic week!  Old Home Week was a big success with all the festivities that went on.  There was something for everyone.  The parade and fireworks were amazing.  I only wish I would have taken more pictures of the parade and celebrations downtown.  We were even privy to Greencastle's "streaker on the square" at the midnight celebration Sunday.

Caden and Annika enjoying the slide at the Greencastle carnival.

ALL FIVE GRANDKIDS

Faith, Caden, Annika, Logan, and Landon

Charleston, South Carolina 2010

Mom and Dad Robinson at City Park 2008

Letter to Heaven #1

Dear Janel,

Just so you know… I talk to you often. I know you hear and feel my pain in missing you. I’m writing to you because I know that you will receive this. I never removed your name from my email contacts. Feel free to write anytime… I also have you in my phone with a special ring tone so that I know it’s you when you decide to call. I’m going to post this on my blog because it will be here forever.

We went to the Potomac Bead Company this year again for Mother’s Day. It was real hard for mom and me to be there without you. I’ve been wearing your bracelet often. I enjoy wearing a piece of your jewelry or one of your outfits. I feel as if you are here with me when I do this.

Your birthday will be here soon and it happens to be on Father’s Day. Mom, dad, and I don’t know whether we will be going up to Pen Mar Park this year to celebrate. You know how much we enjoy going up there for Father’s Day. It might just be too hard for us to have a good time.

Carl and I visited Megan and Glenn earlier in June. We stayed with them and enjoyed a trip downtown to the Market, which we so love. We also enjoyed a beautiful dinner at Glenn’s mom’s home. We had such a nice time it was hard to leave.

Faith is out of school for the summer and I’m anxious to get a call from her saying she’d like to stay for a few days. We do have the twin neighbor girls, Emily and Melanie, to have some fun with. Yesterday, I took some frozen lemonade popsicles outside to share with them. They were both amazed how I froze the lemonade into a popsicle. Kids are so much fun!

The Greencastle Relay for Life was last month and mom, dad, Carl, and I went. I walked the survivors lap and we had a candle lit in remembrance of you. I pray that the donations will help to find a cure for all cancers very soon!

As you probably know, your pet buddy Casey passed away last month, rather suddenly and sort of ironically, from about the same thing you died from. Dad buried him right outside your bedroom window.

Mom and dad are joining us for dinner this afternoon. We still play dominos, although it’s not quite the same without you.

Take care LOVE!!! Don’t forget to send me an occasional sign so I know you are here with me.

Big Sister,
Deb

A Few Pictures of the Boys...

Twins at 4 years old.
They look pretty identical to me!

Landon and Logan at 4 years old.

Sorry buddies, I just had to put this in......too darn cute!

Mimi's little princess ~ Faith

Mother's Day

I enjoyed the afternoon by going with my mom, the family matriarch; my daughter Ayesha; and my seven year old granddaughter Faith, to the Potomac Bead Company in Hagerstown. This is a tradition we’ve been enjoying together as a family on Mother’s Day. Sometimes, we make ourselves a bracelet or necklace, or we might make each other something, or even a friend…..but it is the time we share together that is so precious.

Mom had a bracelet that my late sister Janel had made last year. She wanted to add a few beads to it and give it to me to wear in remembrance of her. Umm, that was tough.

Megan….we wish that you were able to go with us!

My Husband... he's such a dear!

Reminder to Self

• Always make bed when I get up in the morning.

• Harvest crops.
• Drink one cup green tea with honey every day.
• Call mom and dad, just because…
• Harvest crops.
• Run errands.
• Don’t adjust car seat while driving.
• If I haven’t made the bed, do so now before husband gets home.
• Harvest crops.
• Tell husband how much I love him.

Seeds of Peace

If you are wise and understand God's ways prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don't cover up the truth with boasting and lying. For jealousy and selfishness are not God's kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind. But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness. James 3:13-18

My Day...

The earth has made 51 revolutions around the sun today… in my lifetime. I, along with Mattel’s Barbie, am 51 years young and life is good. The temperature is in the low 60’s today, the sun is shining, and there is a slight breeze. I still have a very hard time with the passing of my sister Janel last October, but I must keep going, stay busy, and look forward to tomorrow.

***

Here are a couple pictures of Janel on the left in the top picture and the right on the bottom picture with her best friend Chelle and her sister Joy Shearer.

Thank you so much Chelle for posting the pictures of Janel. I hope you don’t mind that I copied them. They are such wonderful pictures and are so precious to me. God bless you!

***

I love my husband! What would I do without him? He is such a hard worker and the greatest husband. He cleans house, washes clothes, works outside in the yard, cooks, pays the bills, etc, etc, etc. I cannot say enough about this man. It’s not that he does everything and I do nothing, it’s that we do things together as a team. He has such a great sense of humor and we have so much fun together. When we got married five years ago, the only thing I really wanted him to learn how to do was the checkbook. Not that he had to do it, because I enjoy doing it myself. I just wanted him to know how to take care of it in case something happened to me. Well, he does that now too… I’ve created a monster! Oh, and thanks for the birthday card honey!

***

I find myself being a bit bored lately wishing I had a few children running around the house to chase after or interact with. Grandchildren are so much fun, but I don’t see them enough to satisfy my craving. I suppose us having children at our age is out of the question (though we have talked about it). So, I need to find something to fill the void. What can it be??? Carl says “No pets!” I feel a small dog would be a nice companion. Cats are fun, but I don’t like the smell of kitty litter. My parents say a bird is too messy and fish would be too much of a bother. I suppose I’ll just settle for watching the finches outside our window and trying to get the squirrels to eat out of my hand.

***

The only misfortunate thing that has happened today is that I found one of my little buddies… a squirrel, apparently zapped by the transformer at the top of a pole out front of our house. I went to check the bushes and vines and there he lay. He might have been killed before the snowfalls that we have had and I just hadn’t noticed him. In any case, that is three squirrel deaths in the last two years by the same transformer. Can’t the electric company put anything up there, like a shield, to prevent their “death by electrocution?”

***

Thanks mom and dad for the wonderful birthday celebration on Sunday and your rendition of Happy Birthday on the phone today. You both are SO very special to me. Thanks to my precious daughters, Ayesha and Megan and their “well wishes” today, and to my granddaughter Faith singing Happy Birthday over the phone this morning on her way to school. Also, my beautiful sister Elaine...I LOVE YOU!  I can’t forget my dearest friends, Laurie, Robin, Sheree, and Esther; Janel’s best friend Chelle for posting those great pictures; and all my Facebook friends. I love you all.  (Sounds like I just accepted an Oscar...Ha!)

Today was the first sign of Spring I have seen.  It was so wonderous to wake up this morning with the sunlight already peaking through the curtains.  At only 29 degrees outside, it will be another few weeks until I can wake to the sound of birds.  I am so looking forward to Spring.

Aveeno! Take me away...

Ya know, I think this is finally getting to me. I've been trying to figure this blog thing out, and I still aint got it! Copy and paste. Copy and paste some more, edit posts, page elements, fonts and colors, formatting, publishing, archiving, layouts, templates, widgets, gadgets, editing HTML.......AHHHHHHHH!

Topography Animation Project (Once again, you'll have to pause my music player.)

Typography from Ronnie Bruce on Vimeo.